TETE: We're coming back to see Floyd's favorite tag-team go at it against some very recent newcomers...

FLOYD: Oh, no, you're not talking about...

"Pink Elephants On Parade" comes up over the speakers...

FLOYD: Argh!! Dammit, dammit, dammit!!

The Court Jester and Mike the Chicken Eater appear, each wearing their Tag-Team title belts with pride. The stand atop the ramp for a few moments, then both began breaking out in a goofy little jig. They stop a few seconds later to laugh at each other. Then, still, laughing, they descend the entrance ramp. The Jester reaches into his very-loose pants and produces a rubber chicken, which he hands to Mike, and a whoopie cushion. Mike chomps into the chicken, leaving his tooth marks firmly imbedded in the surface, then tosses it into the crowd. The Jester inflates the whoopie cushion, and tosses that into the crowd as well. The two then hop into the ring and turn to face their opponents for the night.

Odium and Angst's odd music comes up, and the two young men appear. Odium, dressed like his older brother Malice, approaches the ring at a brisk pace, while Angst, the younger of the three brothers, dawdles behind, a sulky look seemingly etched into his face. Odium pauses at the ring, waiting for his brother to hurry up. Odium decides to take the first round against the Jester.

FLOYD: Y'know, this is just unfair. These two haven't even done anything to deserve a match with the USXWF Tag-Team champions.

TETE: Need I remind you how effective these two young men were back in April and May?

FLOYD: Papa, Papa, Papa... that was THEN... this is NOW...

The bell rings, and Odium and the Jester circle each other. The Jester begins taunting Odium, laughing maniacally as he does so. The two circle around for more than half a minute before Odium stops and says something (inaudible to our ears, unfortunately) to the Jester. The Jester's smile disappears instantly, and is replaced by a frown. Suddenly, with a roar of anger, the Jester surges forward and slams into Odium. The two grapple back and forth for a few moments, but then Odium slides down and sweeps the Jester's feet out from under him. As the Jester falls, Odium keeps a lock on his arm, forcing the Jester to go into the mat chin-first.

FLOYD: Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop the match!

TETE: Why?

FLOYD: I wanna know what Odium said that pissed the Jester off so damn much!

Odium, still holding the Jester's arm, leaps over the Jester's body and brings his shoulders down across the Jester's back, nearly pulling the Jester's arm out of the socket. The Jester writhes in agony as Odium tags in his brother. Together, the two haul the Jester to his feet, and on the rebound they lift him into the air and bring him back down onto the opposite ropes. The Jester flops downwards, clutching his arm in pain.

Angst, stares at the Jester, unsure what to do next. He kicks the Jester's form nonchalantly a couple times before Odium starts yelling instructions. Angst shrugs and climbs on top of the turnbuckle. With a splaying of his arms, Angst leaps upwards and outwards, bringing his thigh down across the Jester's upper torso. Again, Angst kicks the Jester weakly a couple times, and again Odium shouts instructions. With a glare towards his brother, Angst runs up against the opposite ropes, intending to use the rebound's momentum for an elbow drop on the Jester, but Mike interferes, kicking Angst in the small of his back as Angst bounced against the ropes.

Angst stumbles forward, then turns and, in a surge of anger, rushes towards Mike. Mike hops off the apron, but Angst uses the ropes as a trampoline and bounces high into the air, bringing his body down across Mike's body. The two tumble to the floor, and Angst begins pounding his fist into Mike's head. The referee yells at Angst to get back in the ring, and Odium takes the opportunity to begin kicking at the Jester.

TETE: Holy smokes, the young newcomers are completely dominating this match! They're tearing the Sideshow apart!

FLOYD: Y'know, they may be related to Malice, but I like these kids.

Angst continues pounding on Mike while Odium continues kicking the Jester. Suddenly, Remington and Cyril Hand appear, sprinting down the entrance ramp, Remington heading to the ring while Cyril heading towards Angst and Mike. The ref tries to intercept them, but Remington bowls him over and catches Odium in a clothesline, then begins stomping away at him. Cyril grabs Angst by the hair, hauls him up, then hurls him into the steel steps.

TETE: What the hell...? The Brothers Hand are ruining the match!

FLOYD: And they're hitting the wrong people! Get the freaks! Err... I mean, the freaks with the belts!

The ref calls for the bell before trying to pull Remington away from Odium. The ringside announcer comes up on a mic: "The winner of the match, by Disqualification... Odium and Angst!"

The Brothers Hand ignore the announcer and continue their assault. However, Remington doesn't notice that the Jester had slowly gotten to his feet. He cautiously slides out of the ring and shakes Mike back to awareness, then reaches under the ring and grabs two of his specialized rubber chickens (the ones with the lead pipes inside) that had been hid their before the show opened. The Jester points towards Cyril for Mike, while he climbs back in the ring to go after Remington.

Mike practically leaps at Cyril, bringing his pipe-laden-chicken down across Cyril's back. Cyril stumbles forward, and Mike hits him again, this time catching him in the lower thigh. Mike continues the attack, trading off whacks from the chicken with the occasional kick of his foot. Meanwhile, the Jester had crept up behind Remington. With a quick shout to get Remington's attention, the Jester swings his weapon across Remington's face, knocking the Hand to the ring. The Jester then proceeds to give Remington a similar treatment that Mike was giving Cyril.

Odium slowly gets back to his feet. Instead of going after the Jester, he simply jumps out of the ring and goes to rouse his brother. The two exchange words for a few minutes, and then limp up the ramp as their music blasts over the speakers.

TETE: Well, this certainly gives these two youngsters an excellent beginning back here at the USXWF. Why did the Brothers Hand attack Odium and Angst, and not their hated enemies, the Sideshow?

FLOYD: Perhaps they didn't want anybody else going after the tag-team belts, Papa.

TETE: You know, for once, I agree with you.

The Sideshow continues their attack until a half-dozen referees run down the ramp and physically pull Mike and the Jester back. Deciding that they had wrought enough revenge on the Brothers, the Sideshow relents, giving up their weapons to the officials. They reclaim their belts (as Titles don’t exchange hands due to DQ) and hold them high above their heads as their own music comes on, and the Brothers return to the back.

TETE: Well, the Brothers have only a couple minutes to prepare, as they have a match coming up next.

FLOYD: They’re probably all tired out now, what with getting the crap beat out of ‘em and all.

TETE: I dunno... as they’ve shown with their training exercises with C-Cube, these two can take a lot of punishment.

COMMERCIAL

We come back as "Southtown" by POD hits and Fischetti and the Bitch come down to the ring. They get on the top turnbuckle on opposite ends of the ring and raise their arms in salute of the crowd.

TETE: Huge tag match coming up, absolutely bizarre circumstances.

FLOYD: Who is the newest Servant of Shiva, Poppa?

TETE: Why are you asking me? I don't know.

"Sad but True" hits, and Steve Roman comes out with a mic in his hand. As he walks, he talks.

ROMAN: Y'know, I was actually pretty sure, despite what the baldhead freak in the back said, that Ray Brown was going to be our third opponent tonight. But I guess that ain't happenin', since me and the boys just found him shoved into the trunk of a limo. Dr. Langler says he's real badly dehydrated and seriously damaged psychologically. He says he keeps repeating something about the wages of sin ... well, boys, come on down, because I know we're ready to pay.

The Servants of Shiva's music hits and the Brothers Hand come down. They stand on either side of the entranceway and wait, arms crossed. Roman watches intently.

Out walks Chet Stevens, head freshly shaved and having dropped about a hundred pounds!

TETE: Holy cow! Chet Stevens!

FLOYD: And he looks good! Not that I notice how other men look...

Chet gets on the mic.

STEVENS: Yes, that's right, it's Chet Stevens. But I'm not the Chet you remember at all. C-Cube saved my life with the power of Shiva. You see, I used to eat because I felt empty inside and food filled me up. So I got fat and lazy and self-centered. I was an arrogant man in an arrogant man's career, acting. Then, after my injury, C-Cube came to me and taught me that to focus on the self was to go down the road of loathing, not the road of nirvana. He trained me personally for my return. And here I am, in Shiva's service. And my first assignment is to take you out, Roman...

FLOYD:  Does he remind you of Kevin Spacey at all?

TETE:  What?  No.  That's a stupid question, Floyd.

FLOYD:  My teacher always told me there's no such thing as a stupid question.

TETE:  Apparently, your teacher was wrong.

Stevens and the Brothers Hand head down the ramp menacingly. Fischetti sends Roman and the Bitch into the corner, indicating that he'll start. Cyril Hand does the same with Stevens and Remington Hand.

Cyril charges into the ring and starts hammering on Fischetti. Fischetti, not one to accept such blatant insult without response, fires back, flooring Cyril with one punch. Cyril quickly gets to his feet, and whips Fischetti into the ropes. Fischetti comes back, nails a clothesline, then starts stomping on the grounded Cyril. The crowd begins to bark raucously. Cyril gets to his feet, knees Fischetti's midsection then gives Fischetti a facebuster. Cyril then whips Fischetti into a corner, climbs the ropes, and delivers a series of powerful blows to the head. The ref stops him at ten. Cyril starts to argue, and as he does, Remington pulls out a piano wire and starts to choke Fischetti with it from behind.

Fischetti struggles as Cyril continues to argue with the ref. Roman walks over and knocks Remington off of the ring apron. Fischetti charges out of the corner and shoulder tackles Cyril from behind. Fischetti walks Cyril back to the corner where he was choked and bangs Cyril's head against the turnbuckle, once, twice, three times before Cyril gets a tag in to Stevens, who comes in and immediately gives Fischetti a low blow.

TETE: An inauspicious return for Chet Stevens.

FLOYD: Now what does that mean?

TETE: Oh, please, Floyd, you saw that.

FLOYD: No, I'm really asking. What does "inauspicious" mean?

Stevens is viciously stomping on Fischetti as Fischetti makes his way to the corner and tags in the Bitch, who charges at Stevens. Stevens raises his foot, and the Bitch gets nothing but a mouthful of sandal. Stevens pulls the Bitch to his feet and gets him with a headbutt. The Bitch butts back, though! Stevens seems surprised and butts him again. The Bitch responds in kind. They continue to headbutt each other, the Bitch backing Stevens across the ring. With each butt, the crowd gets louder.

TETE: Looks like we got a pissing contest on our hands.

FLOYD: I don't see what any of this has to do with urination.

Finally, the Bitch butts Steven harder than ever, and Steven sags into the corner. The Bitch takes this opportunity to powerslam him to the mat, and into a pin. 1...2... Stevens powers out. As Stevens is getting to his feet, the Bitch nails him with a boot to the head, knocking him across the ring, where he tags in Remington. Remington flings himself into the ropes, then at the Bitch. The Bitch ducks and uses Remington's own momentum to power him into a vicious back body drop. Remington gets up slowly, and the Bitch nails Remington with a flying knee to the skull. Remington gets up, freshly motivated by rage, and hits the backbreaker on the Bitch.

They both lie on the mat, unmoving. Roman and Stevens are both leaning out, waiting for the tag. The Bitch moves first, heading slowly for Roman. Remington, after a moment, starts heading for Stevens. Remington and the Bitch make their tags simultaneously, and Roman and Stevens both come charging out of the gate. Roman nails Stevens with a clothesline, then Remington, who has just gotten up, then Stevens again. The crowd is going wild. Roman whips Stevens into the ropes, and Stevens comes back with a clothesline that Roman ducks. Roman comes up, grabs Stevens, and hits a shoulderbreaker on him. Stevens is moving sluggishly, and tags in Cyril. Roman immediately nails Cyril with a sidewalk slam, then hooks on the Phalanx!

TETE: The Phalanx is locked in! The Phalanx!

FLOYD: Uh oh! Not for long!

Stevens is distracting the ref as Remington comes in to break the hold. As he does, he surreptitiously removes his necklace, seems to toy with it for a minute, and then it releases a cloud of gas into Roman's face. Roman coughs, then falls. Remington quickly puts it back on and Cyril pins Roman just as the ref turns around for the count. 1...2...3! The Servants of Shiva win.

TETE: Dammit! Dammit!

FLOYD: Cool it, Poppa, it's just a wrestling match.

TETE: Don't you see? If they keep fighting this way, no one will ever beat them!

FLOYD: It's like I always say, Poppa ... sometimes if you wanna play in the big game, your clothes are gonna get muddy. Or some such thing.

TETE (miserably): I'll tell you what, Roman is not gonna be happy about this.

FLOYD: Yeah. When he wakes up. Which probably won't be for a long time.

TETE: We've got a commercial. We'll be right back with the main event!

COMMERCIAL

We come back from commercial just as "Walk this Way" hits and Marty Hart appears at the top of the ramp and walks down, responding to the crowd's boos with lots of finger gestures and shouting.

TETE: Oh, he's a pleasant guy.

FLOYD: Hey, freedom of speech, Poppa. We don't want to be like Bozell and those other idiots, right?

Hart climbs into the ring and goes to each corner once, raising a pane of glass above his head as he does.

TETE: Once again, this match is for the #1 contendership to the heavyweight title. Roman has said he wants C-Cube at Hostile Takeover, not Marty Hart.

Hart picks up a mic and raises it to his lips.

HART: So Roman, you're scared of the Glass Man, huh? Can't say as I blame you. We've had our rumbles before, haven't we? Maybe you learned something from that. Maybe you can't take the Glass Man anymore. Your buddy Malice learned that lesson the hard-

Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blows through the arena, and "Supernova Goes Pop" hits, and the crowd gives the loudest pop of the night for the most popular face in USXWF. Malice's voice comes over the speakers.

MALICE: I haven't learned a damn thing, Hart. You scarred me. And I just came back for more. Again.

We begin to realize that Malice, suspended by wires, is descending from the ceiling of the Delta Center!

MALICE: Maybe it's not that Roman is scared of you. Maybe it's that he owes C-Cube something, and he wants it now. Just like I owe you something. And I'm going to get it .... now.

As Malice finishes, he throws the mic away and drops into the ring, and immediately starts punching Hart, who drops his pane of glass, which Malice swiftly kicks out of the ring. It shatters on the concrete floor outside the ring. Hart fights his way out of the corner and hits Malice with an elbow to the jaw, which stuns the Brewing Storm.

Just then, "Fuck 'em and Their Law" hits, and C-Cube dances down the ramp and into the ring to join the fray. He grabs Hart from behind and gives him a reverse suplex. Malice shoves C-Cube out of the way and pulls Hart to his feet. Malice gives Hart a shot to the stomach, Hart doubles over, and Malice goes for a jackknife powerbomb, but C-Cube pushes Hart back up on his way down and Hart manages to turn it into a hurricanrana.

TETE: My God! What a move!

Malice is lying on the mat as Hart grins and offers his hand to C-Cube. C-Cube ignores it, kicks Hart in the groin, and gives him a vertical suplex, then goes for the pin. 1...2... Malice breaks the pin. Hart grabs C-Cube by the hair and drives C-Cube's face into his knee. C-Cube lies facedown on the mat, unmoving. Hart and Malice immediately refocus their attention on each other just as C-Cube pops up, grabs both their heads, and plows them into each other. Both men are out and on the mat. C-Cube goes for the pin on Malice. 1...2... Malice gets the shoulder up just in time. C-Cube is arguing with the ref, but it's no good. Malice, meanwhile, grabs C-Cube, places him on the top rope with quite a struggle, and superplexes him on top of Hart!

TETE: Good God, what a maneuver! C-Cube must be out like a light! To say nothing of the Glass Man!

But C-Cube gets up almost immediately, kicks at Malice, then delivers an enziguri. Hart is still out. Malice stumbles back after the enziguri, but that's about all. It's enough for C-Cube, who swoops in for the pin on Hart, who by now is awake and kicks out.

Steve Roman and Dirty Deeds appear at the top of the ramp.


TETE: What are they doing here?
FLOYD: Bet they're here to disrupt the proceedings! Rotten, dirty, good-for-nothing...

TETE: Oh, hush up. You said yourself sometimes you gotta play dirty.

The ref is distracted by Dirty Deeds, who are yelling and making a ruckus, as Roman slips by unnoticed, baseball bat in hand. Roman jumps into the ring. C-Cube immediately charges at him. One swat with the bat and C-Cube goes down hard. Hart, too, comes at roman, but Malice sweeps him straight into the bat. Roman asks Malice a quick question. Malice shrugs and nods. Roman pulls C-Cube over, having him cover Hart.

TETE: What the-?

Roman gets out of the ring and Malice calls over the ref, who looks at the situation. Malice shrugs and points to C-Cube, who is covering Hart. The ref counts. 1...2...3! C-Cube is the new #1 contender!

FLOYD: Did Roman just give the match to C-Cube?

TETE: He wants to make sure he faces him at Hostile Takeover, anyone can see that!

FLOYD: That's true, but why didn't Malice stop him?

TETE: Because Malice wants Hart! He doesn't care about titles!

"Sad but True" hits as Roman and Dirty Deeds back up the ramp. C-Cube wakes up and stares up the ramp at the departing group. Roman points at C-Cube with the bat and mouths, "You and me". C-Cube smiles quietly and nods.

TETE: Steve Roman and C-Cube at Hostile Takeover! But what will Hart do about this? He can't be happy! And where was Rico Laser tonight? What's Cabrera going to do about him? And what really happened to Ray Brown? Find out a week from today, at the next Tuesday Night Trauma! See you then!