Tuesday Night Trauma
Part I
| We begin with an exterior shot of the Delta
Center in Salt Lake City, Utah. Poppa Tete's voice, as always, comes over your speakers at
home. TETE: Welcome to Tuesday Night Trauma! Tonight, a major main event for the #1 contendership involving three of USXWF's biggest stars! And hopefully, we'll get some answers about why Steve Roman has joined forces with Dirty Deeds, and what it means for the USXWF! We cut to the inside of the Delta Center, where a sold-out crowd is on their feet waiting for the show to begin. There are, as usual, numerous signs in the audience tonight. THE COMPANY LINE IS BEING ERASED! STEVE ROMAN GOT HIS HANDS DIRTY! RICO LASER: DEADBEAT DAD WHO ROLEPLAYS XAVIER? MIKE! CHOMP A CHICKEN FOR ME! We cut to a shot of Floyd and Poppa Tete behind the announce table. FLOYD: I'll tell you what Roman joining Dirty Deeds means: bad news for C-Cube and the Brothers Hand. TETE: No doubt, the feud between Roman and C-Cube will certainly intensify now that the odds are even. FLOYD: But are they even, Poppa? Where's Ray Brown? TETE: Good point, Floyd. I'm not sure I want to know the answer to that question. FLOYD: And what about Rico Laser's paternity test? That wasn't exactly cleared up either. TETE: Well, I'm sure Diego Cabrera isn't happy about that. "Sad but True" hits and Steve Roman comes down to the ring, flanked by Dino Fischetti and the Big Bald Bitch. Fischetti and Roman have their titles in their hands. TETE: Well, we may be about to answer some of those questions we've been asking, Floyd. FLOYD: I sure hope so, Poppa. I haven't been able to sleep. TETE: Oh, please, Floyd. I room with you on the road. I know your habits. FLOYD: Well ... I haven't been able to sleep ... at night. Only during the day. TETE: You've always slept during the day! FLOYD: Shut up! Roman's gonna talk! Roman does, indeed, have the mic in his hand. ROMAN: Finally, the Icon and the USXWF champion opens his mouth. I've seen a lot of things since Delirium, a little over two weeks ago. I've seen Malice and Marty Hart slash each other to ribbons with shards of glass. I've seen this rookie kid Avron LongArm get bigger pops than some of the main eventers around here ... I won't name names. I've seen a catwalks match with some of the most dangerous stuff a guy can put himself through. And I've seen a religious nut and his two minions come after me like I'd stolen his firstborn child. TETE: Roman making reference to C-Cube. FLOYD: And not very nice reference to C-Cube either. He won't like that. TETE: I don't think Roman cares. ROMAN: C-Cube, you have done nothing but ask for trouble since Delirium. You've mocked my belt, you've soiled my triumph, you've tainted my victory with your posing, preening, and preaching. I say no more. You and your boys are on notice, as of tonight - Steve Roman isn't gonna let you push the other guys around anymore. And I'm especially not gonna let you push me around. That's why tonight, I've asked the CEO, Diego Cabrera, to give you a match against Marty Hart and Malice for the #1 contendership. That way we'll meet in the ring at Hostile Takeover. For that title you love and want so much. And I can kick your ass ... fairly and legally. TETE: I can tell you right now, the Icon means business. ROMAN: The other thing I've seen since I came in here is the hard work and team effort of the two individuals standing in this ring with me, Dino Fischetti and Big Bald Bitch. These two are guys like me - the last of the toughest, true champions, hardcore winners. And so we had a little discussion on Warbash about where our values lie ... and we discovered we share a lot of the same opinions. Such as this: C-Cube, you and your friends have gotta go. Religious freedom is one thing, chief, but kidnapping is quite another. You're on notice... Roman pauses and starts to hand the mic, to Fischetti, but then "Fuck 'em and Their Law" hits and C-Cube walks out to the stage with the Brothers Hand beside him. C-Cube, too, has a mic, and a very serene look on his face. TETE: Ohh, this could get dangerous, Floyd. FLOYD: Maybe he just wants to talk. TETE: No, no. That creepy look is on his face again. C-Cube begins to walk down the ramp. C-CUBE: Sinner. You're a sinner, Roman. That's all you are, that's all you'll ever be. You don't deserve that gold in your hand, and those two buffoons in there with you don't deserve to be alive. You think I don't know you? You think I haven't watched your matches, studied your every move? I know you, Roman. I know you for the coward that you are. You're afraid to face Shiva and the glory of his words and the simple beauty of his truth. I tried to help you, I did, but you didn't want help. You wanted to live your arrogant little life your way. So now, tonight, you'll pay. TETE: What does he mean? C-CUBE: Tonight, Roman ... you and your two friends will face the almighty power of the Servants of Shiva. FLOYD: Servants of Shiva? ROMAN: What the hell are the Servants of Shiva? C-CUBE: You'll find out ... a six-man tag match. You and your friends against the Brothers Hand ... and the newest of our clan. ROMAN: Ray Brown, huh? I'm shaking in my- C-CUBE: It's not Mr. Brown. You'll find out about him later. But for now, rest up. You'll need it, believe me. "Fuck 'em and Their Law" hits again and C-Cube and the Brothers Hand exit. Roman and Dirty Deeds stand befuddled in the ring. TETE: A new member who isn't Ray Brown? Then who the hell is he? FLOYD: I dunno ... Faust? Dr. Langler? TETE: Oh, come on, Floyd. Be serious. FLOYD: Okay. Seriously. We have a commercial. TETE: Oh, right. We'll be back after this. COMMERCIAL FOR "HOSTILE TAKEOVER", MOSTLY FEATURING C-CUBE, STEVE ROMAN, THE FOUNDING FIVE, RICO LASER AND DIEGO CABRERA. TETE: And next we’ve got something that even you’re sure to enjoy, Floyd. FLOYD: A midget parade? TETE: Close. La Parka and Crazy Mac are going to beat each other senseless inside a 14 foot steel cage! FLOYD: Woo hoo! I love how the system works! I mean… Um, let’s get the match started already! "The Radio Is Broken" by Frank Zappa starts playing across the speakers, and a USXWF official wheels Crazy Mac out to the ring tied to a pulley and contained in a straight jacket. When they get to ringside, the official unstraps Mac and directs him into the ring cautiously. Mac climbs inside and the steel cage is lowered down around him, trapping him inside. FLOYD: Well, there’s one idiot inside a cage, where he belongs. TETE: Oh, shut up, Floyd. Suddenly, "Oops I Did It Again" by Britney Spears picks up, and almost immediately, everyone in the arena, including Big Poppa Tete and Floyd Hemersol, cover their ears for dear life. Two white rows of fireworks shoot up, and La Parka steps out and stands in between them, holding up his custom-made steel chair. He then walks down to the ring, but paces for a few moments before going inside through the door. He still holds his chair, which the referee unsuccessfully tries to take away. The ref then closes the door and locks it, insuring that the only way to win is over the top. TETE: Get ready, folks. These two absolutely hate each other, and we’re sure to see something good. FLOYD: Who the hell are you talking to? The timekeeper rings the bell, and La Parka and Crazy Mac lock up in the middle of the ring. La Parka turns it into a headlock, and hits Mac with a hard jab to the throat. Several more jabs back up Crazy Mac into the turnbuckle. La Parka then pounds Mac down with mud hole stomping, classic Stone Cold style. La Parka then goes for his chair, and sets it in front of Crazy Mac’s face. La Parka then runs to the opposite turnbuckle, setting up for a baseball slide straight into the chair. TETE: La Parka looking to end this one early… FLOYD: Good! The sooner these idiots finish up, the sooner we can all go home! La Parka runs at Crazy Mac, but Mac rolls out of the way at the last second, leaving La Parka with the pole in between the legs. He eventually gets up using the rope, but Crazy Mac is already waiting with the steel chair, which he brings down upon La Parka’s skull. La Parka falls to the floor with a glaze over his eyes. Crazy Mac drops the chair and begins to climb the cage. At about the halfway point, La Parka manages to get up and give chase. Crazy Mac has his arms over the top when La Parka grabs onto his leg and yanks down hard. Crazy Mac is almost peeled off the cage and is sent falling to the mat, right onto the steel chair. TETE: Holy Hogan’s ghost! That could kill a man! La Parka picks up Crazy Mac and throws him against the ropes. On the rebound, La Parka picks up Crazy Mac above his head, and throws him down onto the chair once again. Seeing his opportunity, La Parka immediately starts climbing the cage. To the amazement of everyone, Crazy Mac gets up almost immediately, grabs the chair, and goes after La Parka. La Parka gets one leg over, but Crazy Mac stands on the third rope and smashes the chair into La Parka’s head once again. La Parka lies on top of the narrow cage, totally out. Crazy Mac, mustering all of his strength, slowly ascends the cage. He’s standing on top, about to climb down, when he remembers La Parka, still lying there. A maniacal look gets onto Crazy Mac’s face, as he grabs La Parka’s limp body and lifts him over his own head. TETE: Oh no! Don’t do that! He’s going for the Psycho Drop on top of the cage! That’s not right! Dammit, someone stop him! FLOYD: I’ll admit, not even La Parka deserves that! Crazy Mac pauses for effect, keeping everyone in suspense. Suddenly, La Parka punches Crazy Mac’s head. Again he punches. Again and again, trying to get down but Crazy Mac isn’t budging. In a desperation maneuver, La Parka leans to the outside, doing everything in his power to escape Crazy Mac’s grip and land on the outside, even at the expense of his own body. Feeling his own grip loosen, Crazy Mac realizes there’s only one thing he can do in order to win the match. As La Parka gets loose, Crazy Mac dives off the cage, and both the superstars are falling towards the floor simultaneously. Crazy Mac hits the outside hard, but La Parka goes through the Spanish announcer’s table. The timekeeper rings the bell, signifying the end of the match. TETE: Oh my God! Did you see that?!? I think they’re both dead! FLOYD: But who won? I didn’t see who hit the ground first! TETE: Good question. Here comes the referee, as well as EMT’s. Call the morgue. We may have two dead bodies here… The referee goes over to survey the damage, and sees the fallen bodies of both La Parka and Crazy Mac, who are both slowly climbing to their feet in a daze. Then, much to the enjoyment of everyone, and the disbelief of the two wrestlers, the referee raises the arm of Crazy Mac, and "The Radio Is Broken" begins playing again. Crazy Mac gives a huge grin, and collapses onto the floor. COMMERCIAL We cut to the back locker room area, where Diego Cabrera is standing in
front of a door marked: RICO LASER. He's struggling with the lock. Cabrera grabs a passing
janitor. |